Alien: Amiss -- 7:40 PM

And the alien did decree: I hate living a day at a time, when these days suck
7:40 PM - Monday, Jun. 20, 2011

Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit.

Cheetum Street - Blind Melon

This must be some kind of
Life-changing period of mine.

Shit's been rocked to the core, as usual with these.

I feel like this Cherish stuff is going to lead to another big separation. At first, I was horrified; I was losing my other half. I was feeling like my world was ending, the day she broke the subject.

In the last 10-ish days, I've been feeling like this is some kind of karmic punishment for not developing a reliance on myself. I turned over a lot of things to Cherish, beyond what a friendship should be about. In a sense, I might have pegged her the way I had Darren take over my mind. Only.. to a lesser degree.

I went through about 6 days of that angry at myself for not having any resolution-capabilities for my own issues. I had little panic fits when I pictured trying to have non-me talks with Cherish. We talk to each other about ourselves a lot; we're sort of sounding boards/mirrors for each other to vent to. I had this horrible realization that I'm even more boring when I'm not being introspective: no one cares about the hobbies I have, the news I know, or the books I read. They're not all that interested in my personal shit, either; I'm a very boring person.

I had, in the early days of the fight, a lot of dread. I'm starting to see this as a self-growth punishment.

The other side of it is that I'm almost too-ready to ditch Cherish in what seems to be the middle of a crisis. It's part of my selfishness that leads me to forget that I'm her #1, too.

This is where things get complicated for me; if I'm not a shitty friend who needs to be expelled, it means that Cherish is having issues. If Cherish is having issues, it could be a rocky road from here. It means that I should be trying harder to stay, to hang on; to be there, when she needs me.

These fights make things complicated for me. I'm not used to this level of tension in a friendship. I miss Cherish all the time; I keep finding things in my life that disappear without her.

I bounce back and forth between thinking she needs to stay away from me, and thinking she needs me around. She seems to have those same kind of thoughts rolling around in her own noggin.

I sort of wonder if Cherish is as perplexed as I am about this.

Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit.


Navigation * Profile * New * Old * First * Random Credit * Host * Design	And the alien did decree: I hate living a day at a time, when these days suck 7:40 PM - Monday, Jun. 20, 2011 Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit. Cheetum Street - Blind Melon This must be some kind of Life-changing period of mine. Shit's been rocked to the core, as usual with these. I feel like this Cherish stuff is going to lead to another big separation. At first, I was horrified; I was losing my other half. I was feeling like my world was ending, the day she broke the subject. In the last 10-ish days, I've been feeling like this is some kind of karmic punishment for not developing a reliance on myself. I turned over a lot of things to Cherish, beyond what a friendship should be about. In a sense, I might have pegged her the way I had Darren take over my mind. Only.. to a lesser degree. I went through about 6 days of that angry at myself for not having any resolution-capabilities for my own issues. I had little panic fits when I pictured trying to have non-me talks with Cherish. We talk to each other about ourselves a lot; we're sort of sounding boards/mirrors for each other to vent to. I had this horrible realization that I'm even more boring when I'm not being introspective: no one cares about the hobbies I have, the news I know, or the books I read. They're not all that interested in my personal shit, either; I'm a very boring person. I had, in the early days of the fight, a lot of dread. I'm starting to see this as a self-growth punishment. The other side of it is that I'm almost too-ready to ditch Cherish in what seems to be the middle of a crisis. It's part of my selfishness that leads me to forget that I'm her #1, too. This is where things get complicated for me; if I'm not a shitty friend who needs to be expelled, it means that Cherish is having issues. If Cherish is having issues, it could be a rocky road from here. It means that I should be trying harder to stay, to hang on; to be there, when she needs me. These fights make things complicated for me. I'm not used to this level of tension in a friendship. I miss Cherish all the time; I keep finding things in my life that disappear without her. I bounce back and forth between thinking she needs to stay away from me, and thinking she needs me around. She seems to have those same kind of thoughts rolling around in her own noggin. I sort of wonder if Cherish is as perplexed as I am about this. Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit. INSERT STUFF HERE	You Missed: DISCLAIMER WHO TF IS ALL THIS??! * INTRO, 2 * NAQ Backlog: Domicile : Infested - Wednesday, Jan. 08, 2020 Badly type text - Wednesday, Jan. 01, 2020 Yet another other entry - Sunday, Dec. 29, 2019 Damn near died - Sunday, Dec. 29, 2019 Boom Shalacka Lacka? - Saturday, Dec. 28, 2019 Circa 2010