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Where were we,
Last time?

Almost a week has gone by.

- Wednesday - got paid
- Thursday - who knows; was that the day I saw Brad? We went to the gym
- Friday - was that the day I saw Sarah? I think it was; I came home, to watch Rambo I: it was fucking epic
- Saturday - went to the lake with Mom, the sibs, and Dusty

Today:

- Contacted Brad by FB; saw a picture of Darren on his profile. He looks like a happy yuppie now, so different from the baggy-t shirt dude I knew before
- Brad came by around 1, left at 3
- He helped me move around my living room
- He confessed to an unwanted impression that I was in to him; I cleared it up

We ended up talking about Darren a lot. Brad says he's only met the dude once. I keep picturing the pictures I saw, of a well-trimmed, smooth shirt Darren. Smiling. Maybe he's gotten over being angry?

Jesus. A year and a half later, and I'm still curious about what happened to the only man I ever loved. Is that to be expected?

I was showing Brad stuff that came from other people. I kind of have an eclectic pile of hand-me-downs. The desk was Darren's. The couch was Grandpa Fred's. The guitar was Dad's.

Hand-me-downs, or thrift store gems.

I can't get Darren out of my head anymore. I'm still all bent out of shape about the Norwalk incident. Does he get like this, too? Thinking of shit we should have done differently.

For fuck's sake, Darren; quit haunting me.

I bet if you knew how often you came to mind, you'd call it poetic justice.

Yeah; I fucked a fat chick during one of our breakups. It was bad, and good for me.

We never could have remained friends.

You'd pull me close, whisper that I'm beautiful. A few fucks later, I'd remember why we couldn't work out. I'd leave again. Rinse, repeat.

The beautiful thing only really worked the first time, anyway. I was lonely without you, living elsewhere for the first time in 3 years. I missed you, because I loved you. You said that one little line, and I sobbed like the sissy bitch I am. That's all I wanted, you know, in my life, was someone to look me in the eye, and tell me with that exact tone. Someone to mean it.

We laid there, on your couch mattress, in the dark. Just the two of us, caught up in the sort of moment relationships should start with; it was already over with by then.

Blowjobs were the order of the time. I think that is the most you got to cum in a short period of time, around me. You should have seen it coming, that I'd never keep it up.

It was a poor substitute for what love we had.

You wanted me to talk to your mom, and get back on her good side. Get married, move in, have kids.

What part of the lesbian trial fuck didn't you see coming?

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

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Circa 2010