Navigation

* Profile
* New
* Old
* First
* Random

Credit

* Host
* Design

Dear Internet:
I don't think these meds are working.

I ranted at Shi-nae-nae a little. Not a whole lot. I let her have a few words, too. The usual: No one here understand, accepts, or really loves me.

The more I live, the more aware I am of people and their distinct dislike of me. I feel like Lay, from DL; I'm rotting on the inside, so, people avoid me like the plague.

I doubt that I'm some form of genius, misunderstood, but totally relevant in a different time period. No, I'm the dreaded Whiner, who prattles on about inane shit. I'm the worst kind of whiner -- the Wannabe Entertainer type. I don't just tell it -- I tell it like a campfire story.

People are sick of me. Even Cherish seems bored senseless of me. But.. is that really unusual? Maddie found me boring as hell, but, she put up with it because she was lonely.

No one else in my immediate life is really so desperate.

Yeah; I'm depressed now.

Fucking mood swings.

I'm so useless at making things better for myself. I'm half-ass starving myself again, because I'm scared of running out of money (and then dealing with whatever action my mother implements).

I'm dying for companionship, I really am. I miss feeling relevant, witty, and interesting. Do all depressed people feel this shitty about their social selves?

I'm at a point where I avoid certain people because I know that all I'll do is irritate or bore them. My hurt is far less significant than someone like Bookstore Guy's; it's no less gripping, though. I regret rambling at him, more than other people, because he's convinced that somewhere inside me, a real smart person exists. Everyone else makes me feel stupid, in life outside of the internet.

I'm not mature enough to handle talking to Anni.

I'm not interesting enough to talk to Dad; he's got a dull life, and doesn't need my bullshit.

Mom's probably avoiding me based on the fact that she's still grieving for the person I was pre-breakdown. How can you miss that bitch, Mom? All she ever did was hate you. I fucking love you. Fuck. I feel sad.

My friends? I'm the token minority. I'm the insane lesbian. The "interesting friend". They find me tedious, as admitted by Tay. I am a useless suck.

I'm not talking to random strangers anymore. I'm not really talking about my Crazy in public.

What is it that people find so horrible about me?

Is it the fact that I drone on about shit that I think of?

The personal problem pow-wows?

Am I just a repugnant person to talk to?

It seems all so complicated, sometimes. All I want is to connect. People push me away. I resent that I'm a sad little puppy, following people around, socially. I am despicably dependent upon reassurances that never come up.

I am still a lonely soul.

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

Backlog:

Circa 2010