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Eegah,
How can I explain my feeling?

I feel damn lonely.

It's a different lonely than last night; last night was about wanting to share a revelation. Tonight is about having no one to call while I feel sad.

I don't want to impose.

Most of all: I don't want to cry at someone.

I went swimming with Cherish. Physically, it was a little blah because we stayed in the shallow end. Socially, it was blah because I did almost all the talking. Yeah. We're back to that nonsense.

This is precisely why I don't want to call for outside reassurance. It would just be me, rambling about being sad and alone. To which, I suspect, I would be told to go outside. Ah, yes -- and do tell, where the fuck am I supposed to go?

I want to break from the internet a little. But, it's all I have.

No one in my immediate surroundings wants to deal with me. I know, that sounds odd, considering what a charming bastard I am here, right?

I am very much on my own here.

I'm alone, and not coping.

I wish I could call Grandma. I wish she'd actually talk to me. Real interactions have left me feeling wanting, much in the way the internet chats have left me. I have no one stimulating, or sympathetic.

I wish it was earlier in the day, so I could call my fucking mom. She wouldn't make me feel better, but, a mom's better than no one, right?

I hate being so sissy and weak all the time.

Jesus fucking Christ, I am a whiny bastard.

No wonder people leave me alone.

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Circa 2010