And the alien did decree: "some people are worth confiding in"
12:40 AM - Monday, Mar. 29, 2010
Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit.
C'Etait Toi - Billy Joel" Zygote Impersonator says (12:13 AM):
Lately, I have to have enough energy to make coffee, otherwise, it's sleep all day, every day.
I'm pretty much fucked over.
Leviath says (12:14 AM):
wish I could do that
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:14 AM):
It's fucking annoying.
I wake up feeling worse, and worse.
It doesn't make me feel better.
Leviath says (12:14 AM):
i just need time to myselff for a few days without stress, i won't get it
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:14 AM):
I need to stop being a sissy bitch all the time.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:15 AM):
I'm more pissed off at myself than normal, for being so weak about all this.
I am at the mercy of coffee.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:16 AM):
Is it normal to hate yourself for being depressed?
Leviath says (12:16 AM):
Yeah
I do it
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:16 AM):
I'm sick of it. I miss feeling arrogant and awesome.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:17 AM):
I'm sick of people avoiding me because I'm stupid.
Leviath says (12:17 AM):
your not
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:17 AM):
I'm really sick of my days being so pointless.
I wake up and think, "Well -- why get up? Today will be like yesterday."
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:18 AM):
I get up, hours later, feeling sick.
I have coffee, feel remotely better -- then dedicate my life to rotting on the internet.
Leviath says (12:18 AM):
sounds like me
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:18 AM):
Then, I get lonely. Then I hate mysel.f
Leviath says (12:19 AM):
just i'm forced to work a deadend job with no point
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:19 AM):
I can't even leave the house alone.
Well, unless I'm meeting someone I trust.
I feel fucking trapped.
I need a fucking hug.
Leviath says (12:20 AM):
-hugs-
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:20 AM):
*Hug*
We need to invent a hug robot.
Plug it in to the computer, and hug, semi-physically.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:21 AM):
I feel like that monkey in my psych text book.
I don't want to eat anymore. I want to cling to someone, and sit there for an hour.
Leviath says (12:21 AM):
there's a thing that is basically two hands that wrap arond someone that can have a personalized message
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:22 AM):
I may need one of those.
Teddy bears sure as shit ain't cutting it.
I hate to say it, but, this is a moment I would have wished for [Big D] to be around.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:23 AM):
His hugs were fucking addicting.
A person could get lost in that comfort.
I fear ever finding someone who fills that niche again.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:24 AM):
I wish I was a stronger person, you know?
Leviath says (12:24 AM):
comes in time, need some motivation
I would be said motivation if I wasn't fucked up right now myself
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:24 AM):
Likewise.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:25 AM):
I wish I had a reason to be this lonely, you know? So I didn't feel so lame about it.
I think a lot of it is people tuning me out, over here. I'm feeling isolated.
That's why I want to keep stuff to myself.
At least they'd like me better.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:26 AM):
I miss having people to confide in.
I'm really sick of feeling how I do, and only finding a reflection in someone too far away to go for a walk, or something. (No offense.)
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:27 AM):
It's dismaying to sit at a computer, crying, with the other person unaware.
I don't even want to sleep. I have an appointment tomorrow.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:28 AM):
I just want to go to it, and disappear after.
I keep thinking of Brad Delp's suicide note.
"I am a lonely soul", in French. It's summing me up a lot.
Leviath says (12:29 AM):
just don't do anything, it might seem like it is but it isn't worth it
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:29 AM):
I'm not suicidal.
I'm connecting other dots.
Leviath says (12:29 AM):
oh ok
maybe distract yourself with some games
play farmville on facebook, mom is obsessed with that a lot
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:30 AM):
In times like these, it just seems like the depression will do its own thing.
You know what scares me? The fact that no one in my life loves me for me.
Not even my parents.
They love someone who died.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:31 AM):
I'm her replacement.
With the stalker thing, sometimes I wonder, will I die, unloved?
Leviath says (12:31 AM):
can't say no one
just to what degree
we're friends and I care, hope that means sometime
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:32 AM):
Ah, yes. But, you don't particularly feel a love for me, do you?
I'm a faceless no one.
I feel a lot of camaraderie with people, but, I too, love no one.
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:33 AM):
I can't help but wonder how I can exist, being unloved.
How don't I want to kill myself?
I feel very lost. Unanchored.
Leviath says (12:33 AM):
I feel very alike
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:33 AM):
I have no purpose, you?
Leviath says (12:33 AM):
though don't think I can stay on much longer
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:34 AM):
Me either.
I'm supposed to be attempting to sleep at this time.
Leviath says (12:34 AM):
ok, you should get some sleep
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:35 AM):
I know. I might watch one more ep before I try,
Just to calm down more.
Leviath says (12:35 AM):
yeah you really need to calm some
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:36 AM):
I know. I think that I make this shit worse, when I bother people with it.
I freak out when I'm alone, and get riled up around people.
Leviath says (12:36 AM):
try and relax a little sorry I can't help much
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:37 AM):
Nah, it's fine. I figure you of all people might want to know that you're not the only one feeling off.
Especially, with all that happy bullshit we covered previously.
Leviath says (12:37 AM):
thanks, at least we're not a lone
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:37 AM):
Thank the lawd.
Leviath says (12:38 AM):
yeah really
" Zygote Impersonator says (12:38 AM):
I'm somewhat glad I told you. I think that maybe some people are worth confiding in,
I just have to know who they are.
Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit.
