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I swear,
I'm only linguistically attractive.

I used to get these sympathetic PMs, back in the Darren-days: "Oh, I'd so date you!" I'm having a similar run with some of my internet friends. They're far away enough to find my angst charming. What's with that -- I type my angst, and the bitches love it. The IRL verbal equivalent puts people to sleep. It irked Gil enough to avoid me everafter.

I'm feeling kind of funny; the internet has this way of bringing me to fun, literate people. Who, coincidentally, are far, far away. I'd almost internet-date, if I didn't feel the need to have a sex life. If I'd stop putting off buying sex aids, maybe this wouldn't be an issue.

I'm sort of marginalizing these sexual nonevents. I've had most of my online female crew tell me they've fuck me in a heartbeat. That I'm deep, and edgy. There's sooooooooooooooo much going on in my mind! D'aww, Alien -- I know a girl, in Texas that would be right for you!

There must be a flaw in the physical me. This verbal version of communication seems to fail me. Maybe it's that weird nasal sound in my voice, when I'm nervous. It turns out I'd sound just as pretentiously-nasal as a dude.

Maybe it's the dumbass haircut, "lol".

Mind you, this sort of female attention is usually reserved for initial meetings, and emo nights. I'd never really thought about it, until now.

There's a girl on POF who has a nicer bend to her lingo; I like her formal tone. She's scared shitless of the internet. I already feel like I'm a convicted sex offender, having to tell people, "Yeah; I'm crazy -- I'm on Disability. Oh? College? Naw. Tuition is more than I make in a year--" I whipped that out on my little POF blossom; didn't ruffle her much, but I doubt I'd ever see her in person.

I feel totally in-congruent in appearance. With this Disability stuff, I should be 100lbs overweight, smelly, stained, and bedecked in stretchpants.

With this lesbian thing, I should be promoting my new-found tits. Growing my hair long; getting stupid tattoos about girl power.

With this man thing, I should be hitting the gym. What's some more clich� crossdresser things? Beer. I should be drinking beer. I've got the right stupidly-short hair deal. Beer, and sports. Cars. Motorcycles.

I'm doing it all wrong.

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Circa 2010