Navigation

* Profile
* New
* Old
* First
* Random

Credit

* Host
* Design

Well..
I don't know the real singers.

JESUSMOITJHERFORK.

This keeps getting hard to find. Whenever Deva comes to mind, this is the song I want; I know the title when I see it/know the OST it comes off/recognize video stills. And? Took me an hour or more to track it this time.

I was trying to tell Bavita (I know that name now!!) about it.

So.

On to the real news. (Not that this is news.)

- Jon stayed/left/came back the next morning; he'd stayed with Holly one night, and Vince the next
- Went babysitting with Cherish; Alexzander took a real liking to me
- I was the entertainment, she was the discipline
- Went on a morose musing to Cherish about my pent-up sexual wants

Alexzander -- he has a devilish grin; I foresee him as the master of disaster. He mistook me for male, and kept referring to me as "Uncle". At least someone thinks I pass a little.

Xavier -- kept forgetting his name, and referring to him as 'Zander' (Zander/Xavier.. you see it, right?). The kid has such a sweet, innocent face. Shy, delicate. Makes me think of Eminem for no good reason.

Boys together -- look like either parent.

Cherish talk: mostly a ramble about my undying ache over Sarah, a wander in to the sexy+girlfriend-material issue. Cherish's senses tell her that I will find that girl; it ain't gunna be right now.

I expect a temptation to arise. A challenge. I expect I will bypass, on account of my conflict over Sarah and Darren still weighing down my senses.

Darren is a mishmash of missing him, and regretting being such a crappy girlfriend. Sarah is this confusing pile of mixed emotions.

The Sarah thing is really throwing me. Darren, I can quash over time. Sarah? She's been The One By Which All Others Are Judged for 7 years now.

Bah. I'm 21, and someone has dominated my heart for 7 years. How's this for hopeless -- not a single kiss involved. What dedication! What a lost cause!

It kills me. Her rejection is firm. My understanding is clear. I hate that I'm the best friend with unclear motives. I see her crying, sometimes, and my instincts reel. A passionate kiss is uncalled for. A hug ain't our style.

In those situations, I sit there like a useless tit, and listen to her woe. All the while, feeling that lingering longing.

Jesusfuck. She ain't in to me; I ain't got a chance -- but if I did, she and I, oh, we would dance.

I doubt I can carry a search for a mate with Sarah lingering in my thoughts. I'm pulling the same shit in reverse here: no fantasies allowed. I allow myself no relief; fantasies only feed that demon of want.

Jesusfuck. All the time, I'm sitting there, lately, ravaged by this intense want to kick her boyfriend in the ass. I can't very well live vicariously through him if he can't put a little effort in to it.

That whole 'manhand' thing made me want to stomp the dude. "Comfort her, or I will", right?

I'm the pervo friend, I don't get a free pass in to that realm. I get, "Sarah -- I would fuck you, any day!!"

Nope, I don't get to stride beside her, take one of those hands in mine, and say, "Sarah -- these hands. If you were mine, I would worship these well-crafted hands. They're smooth, and well-kept; you're a Northern belle, babe."

Instead?

Yeah. I get to fill a different role.

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

Backlog:

Circa 2010