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It must be me,
I feel moody.

I wanted to sit down and ramble about my day with Andrew.

First, let's plow through what goes on in my head. I'm feeling particularly shitty because even Mom took note of the gut's regrowth. Cue the, "It's bigger than your boobs" line.

The little stretch marks on my thighs are back. I bet my ass looks real fancy, with its own set of red lines. I daren't look. Just, no.

It's 'only' an extra 20 lbs.

I seem to feel shitty all over. I've spent the last week sleeping off the antidepressant. Almost missed out on seeing Andrew because I slept until 4 PM that day. My financial situation sucks, as always. Get this: I was totally excited about getting an extra $20 off Mom -- "Hoorah, I can pay for the last half of the Hicks book, and maybe have a little left over for shoes!!" It went to vitamins instead.

I can still get the shoes. Second hand. Yummy.

The Hicks book will come, regardless. I may have to hold out on one of the Berserks. I shouldn't, though.

I keep thinking it would be nice to be able to afford things once in a while. A new camera one month, music lessons someday.

I'm so bored and lonely; my internet friends have come out of hibernating with me, and have found lives of their own. I'm alone, wee little me, sitting in my apartment, staring at a blank screen.

My social calendar blows.

My finances are raping my ability to do anything fun.

I can't entertain myself.

I guess it doesn't help that memories of Big-D keep haunting me. Lemon, greek, meat? Hey, doesn't that sound like his recipe for lamb?! Yeah; it does. Just like anything else -- he haunts me, where ever I go.

I'm such an awkward person, really. I'm so weird; why do I exist? What purpose is there in someone like me?

I went home to be at home. I don't feel good here.

I just don't belong.

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

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Circa 2010