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Oh yes,
Fucking A.

It's Platinum Blonde time.

So: like a dumbass, I start telling Lev my love for sexual banter, and my rage about vaginal penetration.

Anyone care to bet that he might engage me in some banter, and maybe an offer to spelunk the reluctant cave? I seem to wander a lot, when I rant. I took out my angst about Cherish on him, earlier. Somehow we went from, "Cherish is driving me batshit!!" to, "There is no sensation in my cunt, aside from pain. Srsly."

I want, so very badly, to be telepathic. I want to beam an image of the pain that men's dicks cause me, to the men who think they can make things work. I want them to see. I want them to fucking understand that I am an unbearable sexual partner: I'm uninterested, I barely move, I'm in wicked pain for the first bit, and I'll never want it ever again. Then? I want to show them what I would think of a girl sucking my cornnub. Me playing with boobs. Flash back to me looking bored as fuck with them.

I want sometimes for these prospective spelunkers to talk to Big-D, and have HIM explain why I'm a shitty sexual partner.

I must be angsty; I'm all riled up, feeling lonely. I'm paranoid that my battle with insanity will scare off any love/sexual fulfillment I will EVER get in my fucking life. I would like sex with someone, if they'd fucking keep all of their appendages and cocks away from my cunt hole. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. It either HURTS ME or feels like I'm picking my goddamn nose. GO FOR THE FUCKING CLIT. Leave the rest the fuck alone. No; my ass ain't up for dibs, either.

I swear, this shit builds. I tell Chris about my dream girl. I tell Mom I feel bad for Jay/I now believe Jay is flirty, and not a man of action. I tell Lev shit.

Now I'm just all riled up.

This seems to be a day wherein I am easily provoked. I want to rage at someone. Preferably male, because they all seem to want my poon MORE when I pose the unintended challenge of having a useless fucking cunt. Oh. And puking. Is puking sexy? Is it? Does the idea of me being sooo repulsed by your pulsing member give you an insta-woody? Does it sound like nice, acidic lube, or something? Fuck.

I'm just mad because the last person I fucked was a fugly psychopath.

I think if G-M had been my last fuck, I'd be some kind of content. A beautiful, smart girl? WHO SANG ME SONGS?! C'mon; you all know I have a hardcore thing for singers.

Jesus.

All I want to do lately is find a girl who isn't nasty. Cozy in to some foreplay. Fuck; she could scratch my back and play with my hair. I'm fucking tame. It would be nice to be turned on by something more stimulating than me scratching the side of my neck. Or cleaning my ears. Scratching my buttcrack is almost orgasmically amazing, too. There are some weird fucking spots that feel great to scratch.

Bah.

Deflated.

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Circa 2010