And the alien did decree: "a potential fuckfest of beatings"
5:32 PM - Saturday, Mar. 27, 2010
Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit.
The Telling Truth - Coheed & CambriaDo these guys mention
Whores a lot, or is it just me?
Today:
- Sat around, waiting for SuiFri; he came on later, we started talking about mostly normal stuff
- Talked to Group chick about her abusive ex; assholishness ensued from my end. I can't abide people feeling sorry for themselves and not seeing they caused their misery; I know, I do it, too, but this was a blatant case of stupidity on her part. We're talking a potential fuckfest of beatings stemming from a shitty relationship that ended on bad terms
- Went swimming with Cherish around 3:30; she was iffy about the deep end, but braved it anyway
- Came home about an hour later
- Had the last of my mini pizzas
- Had a sudden urge to make chili; it's pretty fucking random
I'm feeling a little deflated. I HAD hoped today would have some potential to it. I didn't even venture out to the post office; prolly gotta wait 'til Monday, now. (C'MON, AL-AM; IT'S DOWN THE FUCKIN' STREEEEET.)
I'm thinking I'll knit again; I'm in a stitching phase, but, I feel like knitting still.
On the topic of my gender, again-again-again:
- Feeling off about that, too
- Can't decide what the fuck I am inside
- Don't really feel like either, most times
- Keep staring at male torsos, comparing them to my lumpy one
- Keep oogling ladies, and feeling like a weirdo; I never compare with jealousy over my titties versus theirs
- Keep squishing down my titties in the mirror, feeling that fits more; I suck in my belly, and pretend I'm as pretty as Not-Asian Boy
- Keep looking at the beard pictures, thinking, "Damn; I look so un-photogenic sometimes!!"
- Did I MENTION the inch-long hair I found on my jaw a bit back? I was sure I grew that fucker out of sheer wishful thinking
- Wouldn't want to 'come out' as male until I started developing characteristics; unlike Vine, I don't appear anywhat masculine
- To me, what defines me as a girl at this time is my body, not my mind
- What defines me as feeling male is feeling more attuned to that side of the population; I couldn't even name any girly kid's shows the other day. Sailor Moon -- HOW do you forget that??
- What defines me as neither is the confusion I feel as to which I belong with in the shape
- Would have felt a lot better being born male; BECOMING male seems daunting, at best
Enough lists.
Fuck it.
Before the nonsense, & After the bullshit.
