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Everything in my life
Feels like a runaway train.

The question is, when am I due for the upcoming crash? Will something save me, this time?

It would be fitting to be suicidal, but that's still not on my calendar. What comes to mind is a little albino rabbit in a too-small cage; a little kid with a fearsome grin hovers over me. Rabbit's feet are lucking, right, Mom? Can we harvest a few? Rabbit's feet are good good-luck charms...

I don't know why I always compare myself to albino rodents. Is it a kickback from having gerbils as a kid, or something?

I'm just feeling hard-pressed. Lately, I'm clamming up or dulling down my feelings around people. Inside, I feel claustrophobic. Everything's getting small, or distant. It started with the sobfest I unleashed on my mom last week. Ever since then, I've been willing myself to downplay or hide my onslaught of moronic depression. I'm slowly gaining the upper hand. I told Anni about Ze Stalker; made that sound like a little annoyance -- which kind of is close to my general outlook on the subject. I was mostly hushing the panic because I don't need my dad hearing this shit; somehow, I want to be a tough little bitch, and stare down the stalker on my own. I don't want him to worry. I don't know -- this seems like something he'd either think was for attention, or would maybe convince him I have real mental issues.

And Mom? It would be another reason to get me to move again. She had that reaction to the Pissing Lady. The financial situation. But, tell me, where could I get for less that would be any better? I'd get a closet in a crack-nest. That won't save me from sexual predators.

If she gets a house, she'll probably hit bankruptcy. She can't afford that kind of nonsense. She shouldn't have to jeopardize her choice little situation (although she still thinks she can get better..) just to accommodate me. She's paying a marginal amount more than I am, for a 3-bedroom place. What should be $1500 is a hell of a lot less on her end. Houses, to buy, are getting to be $500k for anything that doesn't come with prerequisite silverfish infestations.

I can't go, and I probably can't stay.

I can't afford lessons, but I can't stay awake when there's nothing to do.

I can't save money, but I'll hide some.

I can't work, but I can't afford anything otherwise.

I'm a real downer. Haha. Strangely, I feel pretty peppy, due to mon caffeine.

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*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

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Circa 2010