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I told Anni
About the stalker, last we talked.

Somehow, when people get worried about me lately, I feel inclined to tell them things aren't so bad. "I have a stalker -- no, no.. it's not a big deal. Tut, tut, I'll just beat the fucker up."

I tell a lot of my internet friends, "It could be worse," or other little demur topic-enders.

Maybe I am getting a little more private.

Is this a good thing? Is this some sort of bad sign, now that I'm more or less not telling everyone everything?

I know BSG was concerned about me, the other day. He saw me hovering in the Self-Help section of his store. Somehow, I just didn't feel like trotting out, "Hey -- I just went to MH, and they told me 1-on-1 therapy for depression died in town; got a book to recommend?" All the books there were sort of like, "You fucked your mom; now you're sad -- here's how to get over it!" Only, less enchanting. Actually, most were pretty New Age.

I can't handle this 'depression is a state of mind' mentality. As if a bubble bath, or drowning myself in coffee actually makes a difference. I'm fucking irritable all the time.

You know those ridiculous posters you see for depression sometimes? I have almost all of the symptoms. This applies even with vitamin D. I don't have any avenues for help, because none are available.

Aside from going on some other goddamn medication, I don't see a way out of this.

There's no fucking way I'm going to group therapy, to listen to other people make me feel incompetent, or somehow superior, or something. I don't want to tell 7-8 random nobodies about being a sexual dope my whole life. About being a bully, or a victim of bullying, or about any of the other little things in my life that make me feel worthless.

Why?

Because talking about my problems doesn't make me feel better.

We've established that, again.

Yay.. repeating myself.

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

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Circa 2010