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So, Internet:
It's like this -- I'm in the process of analyzing my life via webcomic.

It was a friend's idea. He figured I knew my life so well, that I could turn it in to a comical webcomic. Slice-of-life was how he termed it. For preservation's sake, we will henceforth be calling said comic my "NAQ Session". (That's all it really is -- Never Asked Questions.)

It begins on the note of my stalker. The only real difference between the NAQ-version and reality is that "I"'s stalker is female. His left a tampon, mine left semen. The cops tell him that he's doing it for attention; the guy who came to my aid told me to see a doctor about it. "I" is a schizophrenic, being interviewed by his teddy bear. The bear is loosely based off one my dad gave me while I was in the nuthouse. I was scared shitless of that fucking thing. I thought it was watching me. The guy I was dating at the time would wave it in my face, and scare me with it. "I" Jr., the teddy, is a much kinder version of that delusion.

"I" Jr. is the kind of therapist I've always kind of wanted -- but then, he really IS just me, asking myself the questions that bother me.

I'm exploring a lot of my issues. I think it's vaguely constructive, deconstructing my dysfunctions this way. I'm shy about some things -- but, not my sex life. I'm noticing that even under the direction of my own self-exploring, I'm really hesitant to dig in to the stuff that bothered me as a teen. Mom's alcoholism, Dad's new life -- those are subjects that only really piss me off when I start opening up about them. Aside from discussing it, one would think I was past it all.

I'm half-ass in the process of seeking real therapy, for depression. When one finds herself loaded up on coffee, in order to function (the alternative being lethargy, and sadness).. one suddenly takes stock of one's ability to manage her life.

My friend Michael tells me that depression is a state of mind, and that it's up to me to overcome it. Granted, this guy is 19, and has probably never really been depressed in his life. The funny thing? I thought that way, too. Only, more extreme. I thought that depression was a weak person's ailment. Somehow, I can't chalk 10+ years of abject disruption to being lazy. I'm not really lazy, no, not when I feel alive.

When I feel alive, I get everything done.

That's not how things are, just now.

Despite all these "Dead Like Me"/"Six Feet Under"-based epiphany moments, I'm still living a rather wasted life. I'm not living life to the fullest. I'm kind of stuck in another midground mental rut. I guess it doesn't help that my aunt, C, is pressuring me to get a job. That's just triggering a whole wave of depression, insecurity, and general panic.

This is the stuff that makes me feel weak. Weak, and pointless. You can call it whining; I don't feel like all this moping is a natural state. Usually I'm content to sort things out, and wait my turn. Lately, I'm impatient and agitated. If I'm not agitated, I'm tired. It's fucking nuts.

I'm sick of being nuts. I'm sick of my family avoiding me because their scared that I'll continue being 'unlike my old self'. I can't help it; these meds wreak havoc on my emotional and social thresholds.

My goal for this year? Get back in to learning stuff; it doesn't need to be formal, all college and rah-rah-rah. I need to get back in to my music lessons -- and bloody well practice, in between them! Get back in to learning Japanese; if I find someone willing to swap simple roomaji, I'll be set.

I have shit I want to do -- ah, I do! But all I do is stare at it like it's a goddamn cookie jar. The only thing I actively can stick with is the blanket I'm knitting for my sister. Even that's a piss-off; I need shows to watch, to keep me company. DOWNLOADING! Dear lord -- the downloading. I'm in the same deadbeat loop as before: what the fuck else is there to watch now? I am running out of shit to entertain me; shit to entertain, space to put it, and OS-requirements that will soon doom me.

This shit never ends.

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

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Circa 2010