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So;
Christmas ahoy.

We're in the same boat, Readers: no computer, dissatisfied with life. I'm in a hug-situation with Jason, this time. I am fucking retarded; he left that night convinced I wanted to rail him.

Cherish spent the other night telling me about her internet lesbian friends. She's been taking a poll on my gayness. 1 thinks I'm bisexual; one thinks I'm straight; 1 thinks I could be gay.

I love when I run in to lesbians who miss out on the 'I don't like dicks' feature. I dated Darren for 2-ish years, and had sex with him a few times. Somehow this makes me less gay.

I'm listening to this, at 4 AM, feeling all tense. I'm thinking in my head about how weird it was that 3 people I didn't even know seemed to think they knew my level of faggotry.

Stuff's pretty quiet, outside of Jason probably gearing up for some sort of contact beyond snuggles. Me, I had a night of panicking over that, the night we snuggled. As with the James thing, I had to repetitively remind myself that I am 100% sure I don't want us to get naked, or kiss.

I keep pegging the hug thing to my lack of closeness with my dad.

I'm haunting a new store. This time run by a guy named Bill. I don't see this lasting long. We conflict -- heartily at first -- on a lot of things.

Bill's a hypnotist, and he figures a nice thing to do for me would be to rewire my mind so that I'm more positive. Since I am me, I had a little stance about needing to find happiness via success or improvement. I absolutely balk at the idea of turning in to a Sunshine Shithead.

Bill's in to The Secret, down to a quantum physics level. Me, I just don't dig the idea of "I wish for things, and magically I get what I want". I'm not overly lucky, and would start being greedy, if this did work for me.

He misses out why I hold on to my angst so hard. Cherish gets it.

I keep getting on Bill's case about things. I go to his store, with the intent to read his stories, see some new tricks. Somehow, it always ends up my philosophy versus his. It's gotten down to a point that I bummed the crap out of Bill by insisting that I refuse to give up milk and bran. Or meat. So on. I scared the LA Weightloss lady with my stance.

Of course, he was less thrilled when I went to McDonald's, right after.

I never do gain footing with him. It's always like hitting a big wall of understanding.

I felt bad about hurting his feelings. He did mean well. I'm just stubborn as fuck.

The job search thing is postphoned until January 4th. Well. Sort of.

Hey -- if anyone here is big on The Secret, pray/wish me up a computer. I need some deus ex machina crap.

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

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Circa 2010