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We reach me again, but this time, we find me in early June 2020, still doing the COVID thing...

Riots and protests are sweeping mostly USA/somewhat Canada.

BF & I have been 1yr as of May. We're still doing ok as a couple, as far as I can tell.

Trump seems about as insane as usual, so there's not much there I can add -- rumors are Canada is about to stop negotiations & trade with USA.. well, fuck, there goes some of my online ordering stuff. :'(

I, on a material level, am kinda bummed that places like the Amazon warehouses are getting torched.. sometimes I wonder if stuff coming to me is being delayed by way of being crispy and unavailable from that point. ((I mean, yes, I get this "burn the consumerism!!" mode.. but, from a standpoint of a poor person who had $$ to get things I've never had access to before.. I'm admittedly kinda bummed...))

I feel.. scattered, tonight. This morning? I consider morning daybreak. Sleep dep makes the night/morning difference a really blurry topic.

Anyhoo.

I'm very ADD in the "oh, hey, look -- a kitty!" level of distractable.. I have to see my shrink and tell her my one med is doing nothing beneficial. I'm really wanting to try ADD/ADHD meds, but am too scared to try to score any, TO try any...

My grandpa died, my final grandparent -- last Friday. This upcoming Weds. is his funeral.

In context of time, because I'll wanna know -- I'd had my hair done in fake hair/tiny braids (box braids) until like the day of my grandpa dropped, the night of the situation, the BF helped me convert to my summer haircut idea.. still need a wee bit of help from my mom with it, but, he did a really good first try.

I don't get to see much of the BF lately. He's seeming to be equally upset about it by now.

I'm currently over at C@T's -- watching over C, in particular. T needed sleep. I guess that leaves me as the watchman. I take my shift seriously, and likely won't sleep a wink.

Poor BF was crushed that I zipped away to C's side like *poof*. I worry he will eventually feel underappreciated, and replace me.

Mostly.. yes. I'm still phobia-ing out that he's so likely to replace me.. and not have a hard time of it. He makes comments occasionally that remind me that I'm often just around because he needs someone. Not needing a specific anyone.. just someone who can take his nonsense.

I almost feel the same.. except sometimes I feel unequally more heavy with the amount of lifestuff drama that hits me TO need someone to tolerate...??

I feel.. maybe I've hit yet another "Not what was wanted, just what was had" situation in a relationship. :(

I DO like this one. I just have such dread about its permanence. As usual. I never really thought until my grandpa died/we had a odd convo like a week back that was a complete misunderstanding.. but now I'm fretting more regularly that I'm just not someone people deal with infinitely.

He's talking again about sharing a home. He's messier than me, by like 9x. I'm a hoarder with a semi organized way of handling this.

I kinda need us to have our own places still..?? I am just not fully equipped to get up and go atm -- the storage is now a priority, big-fucking-time.

Etc, etc, etc...

You Missed:

*DISCLAIMER
* WHO TF IS ALL THIS??!
* INTRO, 2
* NAQ

Backlog:

Circa 2010